When you don’t get along with your child’s other parent, or it isn’t safe to interact with them, parallel parenting can help “create space”.
That’s according to Gabriella Pomare, a family lawyer and co-parenting coach.
“It’s for those families where communication between parents is just too hard, too heated, or unsafe.”
Unlike co-parenting, Ms Pomare says parallel parenting is when each parent takes responsibility for their time with the kids, with minimal interaction.
“It’s a way of lowering the temperature while still making sure kids get to have both parents in their lives.”
There are pros and cons to the arrangement, says Carly Dober, a psychologist and policy coordinator at the Australian Association of Psychologists.
Knowing what those are can help parents and caregivers decide if it might work for their family. While for others, they may not have a choice.
When parallel parenting might happen
Parallel parenting often occurs after a high-conflict separation, or where there has been family violence and safety must come first, says Ms Pomare.
“Sometimes it’s just two parents who clash over absolutely everything — discipline, school, even bedtimes
“In those cases, parallel parenting is a circuit breaker.
“It stops the constant fighting, gives children predictability, and allows parents to step back from each other while still showing up for their kids.”
Ms Dober says parallel parents have a “pragmatic approach”, with very limited contact, their own routines, and own ways of raising the child or children.
Whereas co-parents have a collaborative approach, and sometimes even a warm relationship with each other, where there is a high degree of communication and interaction.
After a separation, co-parenting can be challenging, especially when emotions run high. Parallel parenting offers a viable solution by allowing both parents to focus on their individual parenting styles while minimizing conflict. This approach involves each parent taking care of the child’s needs independently, without requiring direct communication or cooperation with the other parent. By doing so, parallel parenting helps reduce tension and creates a more stable environment for the child.
In a parallel parenting arrangement, both parents agree on basic guidelines and boundaries, such as schedules, discipline, and major decisions. However, they have the flexibility to make their own decisions within their respective households. This approach requires a commitment to cooperation on basic issues while allowing each parent to maintain their autonomy. By adopting parallel parenting, parents can reduce conflict, decrease stress, and create a more peaceful environment for their children to thrive.
Source: abc.net.au
